SLOPPY BIRTHDAY GOONATHON

Happy Birthday, Gooner! Today might not be your “real” birthday, but it is your metaphorical one. Today is the day you get to be reborn! You’re no longer a man- you’re a pathetic goon slut. Your only goal in life is to fry what’s left of your dopamine supply stroking away to porn. Real women will never satisfy you again! My porn is the goon fuel you need to go deeper. You can get messier- you can get grosser. I’m the perfect porn princess for enabling your obsession! :3 We’re getting sloppy. Nothing makes you harder than seeing your goon princess get naaaasty. It turns you on so much to get sluttier with mee!! This will be the start of an all night RELAPSE! Get nasty. Get sloppy. Get worse!!!!! (NOT BETA SAFE!, DUH!)